TooMuchSexy.blog

Joke of the Day - Hipster

2012-05-18T22:09:32+00:00

How did the hipster burn his fingertips?

He was changing the lightbulb before it was cool.

Joke of the Day - Congress

2012-05-02T22:07:55+00:00

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC. Nothing was moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, “What’s going on?”

“Terrorists have kidnapped Congress. They’re asking for a $100 million ransom. Otherwise, they’re going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We’re going from car to car collecting donations…”

“How much is everyone giving, on average?” the driver asks.

The man replies, “Roughly a gallon.”

Joke of the Day - Politically Correct

2012-04-11T22:06:43+00:00

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Jap, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub.

The doorman stops them and says, ‘Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai.’

Joke of the Day - Holy Water

2012-04-09T22:05:48+00:00

How do you make Holy water?

You boil the Hell out of it.

Joke of the Day - Titanic

2012-04-02T22:03:59+00:00

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?

About half-way.

Joke of the Day - El Paso

2012-03-12T21:59:59+00:00

A cowboy is sitting in a saloon when he looks out the window and notices his horse has been stolen. He turns around and shouts out to the rest of bar, “Alright, looks like one of you mangey dogs done stole my horse. Now, I’m going to go take a leak. And when I get back, my horse better be back outside… or else I’m going to have to do what I did back in El Paso… and I don’t want to have to do what I did back in El Paso.

So he gets up, heads off to the toilet and when he returned, sure enough, his horse was tied up outside right where he had left it. As he was saddling up some of the people from inside the bar came out, “Hey, stranger. What was it you did in El Paso that you didn’t want to do again?”

“I walked home.”

Joke of the Day - Pure Polar Bear

2012-03-06T23:36:28+00:00

A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, “Dad, am I pure polar bear?” The dad replies, “Sure you are son. I’m all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear.”

Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, “Mom, am I pure polar bear?” She answers, “Of course you are honey. I’m all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear.”

Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks, “Grandmom…Grandpop…am I all polar bear?” His grandmother answers, “Of course you are sweetie. We’re all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear. Why do you ask sweetie?”

The baby polar bears replies, “Because I’m fucking freezing!”

Joke of the Day - Pizza

2012-03-01T22:02:58+00:00

What does a Mexican cut his pizza with?

Little Caesars

Joke of the Day - No Eyes

2012-02-16T21:51:59+00:00

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A “FSH”

Joek of the Day - Choice

2012-02-14T22:00:04+00:00

A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight.

After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.

Appalled, the preacher replied, “I’d rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips.”

The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Me too, I didn’t know we had a choice.”